Talking about intimacy can feel awkward, especially if it involves discussing sexual desires. But being honest can actually help your relationship in the long run.
Physical intimacy is sensual proximity and touching that can include kissing, hugging, caressing, and sexual activity. But it can also be non-sexual, such as holding hands or cuddling.
Ask him about it.
Getting to know your boyfriend on a deeper level is one of the best ways to strengthen your relationship and help it reach new levels of intimacy. But how do you go about talking to him about intimate things without making him uncomfortable? A good place to start is by swapping out meaningless small talk with questions that can spark fun, meaningful conversations.
For example, you could ask him what his concept of manliness is and what his favorite food is. This will give you a clue as to his values and interests, which will make it easier for you to find activities that appeal to both of you. You could also ask him what his biggest weakness is or when he first felt that he loved you. These are questions that will show him that you care about the bigger picture and are willing to go the distance with him.
Remember that it’s not about convincing him to have sex; it’s about finding ways to meet each other’s sexual needs in a way that is mutually satisfying and safe. That’s why it’s important to discuss these issues in advance, so you’re both on the same page about what kind of intimacy you want in your relationship. And be sure to stock up on a bottle of Coconu’s all-natural personal lubricant, which will help keep your conversations smooth and sensual!
Don’t talk about it in the bedroom.
Whether you’re just starting a relationship or have been together for years, intimacy is an important aspect of a healthy romantic connection. Intimacy can mean different things for each couple; for one, it may be experimenting with new sexual positions or for another, it might be snuggling on the couch and watching movies together. Whatever your definition of intimacy is, it’s important to communicate that to your partner so they can understand what you want and need.
Unfortunately, many couples find it difficult to openly discuss sex and sexual needs, especially if they are embarrassed by their feelings. Instead, they often assume their partner will just know what they want or hope they’ll eventually “get it.” However, this is rarely the case, and avoiding the issue only leads to frustration and insecurity in the relationship.
The first step is overcoming your embarrassment and allowing yourself to talk openly about sexual intimacy with your boyfriend. It’s best to have this discussion outside of the bedroom, so your partner won’t be thrown off by your comments or feel uncomfortable. Instead, you can meet for coffee, go on a hike, or choose some other neutral location that will allow you to have an honest conversation without interruptions. It’s also helpful to break the conversation down into smaller components rather than trying to tackle it all at once.
Don’t blame him.
Intimacy is an important aspect of any relationship, but for some couples, sex isn’t the only way to achieve it. Whether your partner is undergoing a medical procedure, struggling with low libido, or simply doesn’t feel the need for physical intimacy, it’s important to recognize that their decision doesn’t mean the end of your relationship.
While it might be tempting to skirt around the topic, you should always be direct and honest about your feelings. Having a discussion about the issue will only strengthen your bond as long as you don’t play the blame game or get emotional.
If you’re having trouble articulating what you need from your partner, try journaling about it. Gigi Engle, a sex coach and SKYN Sex & Intimacy Expert, recommends writing about what you hope to achieve from your relationship, as well as why you think sex is important to you.
It’s also worth remembering that you shouldn’t berate or threaten your partner if they don’t want to have sex. Having a productive discussion is all about finding ways to meet each other’s needs.
Try to be a good listener.
A big part of physical intimacy is the emotional closeness that accompanies it. If you and your partner have deep conversations about your feelings and needs in this area, you can move closer together. You might even be able to build trust and a level of comfort that invites physical closeness in the bedroom.
One thing that can prevent intimacy from developing is the narrow focus on sexual activity as the only expression of sensuous or romantic feelings between partners. According to Gigi Engle, a relationship coach and sex expert at SKYN Sex & Intimacy, many people proceed too rapidly into sexual intimacy, which can be intimidating for the other person and cause them to shut down emotionally.
To have meaningful conversations about your physical intimacy, try listening more than you speak. Be aware of your body language and avoid putting your hands in your pockets or crossing your arms, which sends signals that you’re defensive. You also want to stay focused on the conversation and keep it away from insecurities or blame.
Try to discuss the topic in a comfortable and relaxing location where you can both sit comfortably, such as your favorite restaurant or at home with a cozy blanket and good music playing. This will help set the tone and mood for the conversation and will keep both of you from getting off-topic.