It’s important to remember that not all couples need or want the same level of intimacy. Intimacy is more than physical contact and it can encompass a wide range of emotions, including trust and closeness.
Having open conversations about intimacy can be a difficult and uncomfortable process. However, if you have the right tools, it isn’t impossible to navigate these conversations.
1. Know What You Want
When it comes to physical intimacy, many couples find that they are not as intimate as they once were. This can lead to feelings of frustration and insecurity. It is important to be able to communicate openly with your spouse about this issue. It is also important to understand that sex is not the only form of intimacy in marriage.
It is normal for couples to have less sex once they are married. This can be due to a variety of reasons. For example, some women may not feel comfortable in the bedroom or they may have health issues. It is important to address these issues as early as possible.
However, it is important not to become defensive or resentful when talking about this topic with your spouse. Instead, focus on finding a solution that is mutually beneficial. This could involve scheduling date nights or engaging in other types of physical affection, such as cuddling and kissing. If you are still having trouble communicating, you can seek outside help from a marriage counselor. Then you can work together to overcome this obstacle and rebuild your relationship.
2. Be Honest
Talking about intimacy can feel awkward. It’s even more difficult if you and your spouse aren’t emotionally close. But, experts say the key to healthy communication is honesty. Honesty builds emotional intimacy, which in turn, can help you tackle physical intimacy.
For example, if your wife doesn’t want to have sex, be honest about why. This could reveal a bigger issue in the relationship, like frequent marital conflicts or an unhealthy approach to intimacy.
It’s also important to be honest about what you want from your marriage. For example, if you prefer to have non-sexual activities with your wife, be open about that. This will make it easier to communicate your needs to each other and find a solution that works for both of you.
If you’re not feeling emotionally connected, try to spend some low-pressure time together. This can help you build emotional intimacy and prepare for the big talk. For example, you might choose to watch a movie or go out for ice cream. Make sure the setting is comfortable and free of distractions so she feels more at ease.
3. Ask Questions
Getting to know your partner better can increase intimacy and help you talk about what is going on. Intimate conversations can include many topics, from the things that make you laugh to deeper questions about your life together.
When people hear the term intimate, they might think of bedroom conversations, but it can really refer to any conversation that is meaningful and opens up feelings. It could be about anything from the future to memories of the past or even fantasies.
It is important to have these types of discussions often, but especially when you are having trouble with sex or intimacy. It is not a quick fix, but the more you talk and listen to each other, the closer you will get.
Try to keep these conversations light-hearted and playful, so you don’t feel like you are being grilled by a detective. It’s about building your relationship, not blaming each other for the problems. You might be surprised at what you learn about your partner. For example, you might find out they have an unusual hobby that you didn’t know about.
4. Be Empathetic
One of the most common reasons a relationship suffers from lack of intimacy is a breakdown in understanding. In fact, experts agree that couples who cultivate empathy have richer, more satisfying relationships and fewer misunderstandings.
To be empathetic, you need to actively listen with compassion. When your partner is talking, avoid judgments, unsolicited advice, and personal opinions. Instead, encourage them to talk and listen from their perspective. This will help them understand the root of their feelings and concerns. It will also help them empathize with you.
Empathy should not be confused with sympathy. Sympathy is feeling sorry for someone, while empathy means that you understand their pain and are able to connect with it on a deep level. This is the kind of connection that is life-sustaining, and it will allow you to be more open and honest about the issues you face as a couple.
5. Make Time
When it comes to intimacy, many couples struggle with finding time in their busy lives. They might wake up, go to work, come home, cook dinner, watch TV, and then go to bed without much time or talk. This kind of routine doesn’t foster intimacy and needs to be broken to create a more intimate relationship.
Another way to rekindle intimacy is to spend time together in other ways. This might mean going on a date once a week, learning something new together, or just talking more often. It can also help to focus on emotional and spiritual intimacy in addition to physical. This could be done by spending more time reading together, writing love letters to one another, or just being there for each other emotionally.
Sometimes, the reason for lack of intimacy is that your spouse doesn’t want it. If this is the case, be understanding and try to see things from her point of view. If you are unable to resolve the issue on your own, counseling may be helpful. A compassionate counselor can help you understand why you may be fearful of intimacy and find healthy ways to overcome it.